Tearjerkers don’t make me cry anymore but crippling dysphoria enduced anxiety does. I cry a lot differently now, not as vocal and easier to stop.

Not sure if effects of testosterone or if I’m just toughening up…

Within the first two to three weeks of starting testosterone, my face became an oily mess. I quickly started to get acne similar to, if not worse than, what I struggled with in high school and middle school. In those days, I just let it happen, thinking “eventually my face will get less oily.” Thankfully, it did. But now I’m back to square one.

This time I’ve come prepared. So here are some tips to battle your acne, whether this be your first puberty, your second puberty, or if you’re still battling the bastards.

Anyway this is my advice post for acne, hopefully it can help. If you have anything severe, I don’t know if this can help. I don’t have cystic acne, I have the annoying inflamed kind or whiteheads.

TIPS

1. Stop fucking touching your face. Stop picking. If you have a nervous habit, try your very hardest to make a new one because this is the one causing your acne. (If you can’t stop picking keep reading because I have a method to stop picking.)
2. If you have long hair, chop it off. That’s the cheapest way. If you don’t want to chop it off, invest in some expensive ass shampoo. Avoid fragrances, stick with gentle stuff. Oily hair can easily get oils on your face. Also, the ingredients of your shampoo can clog pores—so avoid animal fats, wool wax, silicone, etc.
3. Watch your anxiety! Anxiety definitely gives you worse acne. When I get too anxious, I work out. Going for a brisk walk is not only good for your body but good for getting rid of that shitty acne. Just make sure you shower or wash off after doing it!
4. Wear fucking sun-screen, you dick. And avoid caking on too much make-up. The sun will irritate your face and the make-up will clog your pores.

Here’s What I Do:

1. Use topical acne treatments. I use St. Ives. Shit has little beads in it to help exfoliate your face. Just dab it onto your finger tips and rub it onto your face in GENTLE circular motions. Wow, amazing.
2. I also use Dr. Bronner’s for basically everything. I use it for washing my hair, my face, my body, and my fucking laundry. We even use it for cleaning the kitchen and scrubbing the floor. I use Tea Tree oil because it’s supposed to be good for acne. It sort of burns but no worse than most acne treatments. It’s meant to be somewhat diluted (you can wash your body with a couple of drops) so this shit also lasts forever unless you’re like me and clean everything with it.
3. I have anxiety issues, not too terribly severe. But I do have horrible nightmares, so I often wake up in the middle of the night covered in sweat. When I wake up covered in sweat, I go and run a really hot bath and soak my feet in it. I wash off and go back to bed. When I have problems when I’m awake, I go for a walk or I lift or do crunches. It really helps my anxiety and my acne.
4. I also struggle with picking! I use aloe vera for that. The stuff is so slimy I don’t want to touch myself after touching it. It doesn’t moisturize so well but it does keep your face not-oily. Supposedly, it helps scabs heal up better and can reduce scarring? I’m not sure if that’s true but I have noticed that my skin is a much better texture after using it for a while. And after using it for a while, I’ve unlearned my picking because I couldn’t do it for so long. If you can get the CLEAR coloured kind because the green is just coloured green and you’ll have a weird tint to your face after a while. If you’re a cheap bastard you can buy the plant but if you have cats DON’T because cats LOVE to eat that shit and they will get the shits.
5. And finally, I take a One A Day vitamin. I have a lot of problems with muscle cramps and pains, so it’s mostly for that. But I know my skin has also improved so obviously I was deficient of something.

No updates for a while, since I’ve been sort of busy.

The muscles in my legs are really developing. The muscles in my arms are getting a lot bigger. My upper stomach hurts like I’m developing muscle there too. 

My hips are still fatty but my ass is getting smaller and smaller.

My facial hair is starting to pick up too.

Had my endo appointment today. My testosterone levels are fairly high. Apparently my testosterone was high before beginning injections.

29 Days T

I’m going to make a video or a voice recording soon.

I’m so nervous.

I can’t get enough fucking water suddenly. I wake up and I feel dehydrated. I’m always lethargic and thirsty as fuck. Is this normal?

As an update:

Today is day 23.

There are three black hairs on my upper lip. I am inordinately proud of them.

My arms are becoming too big for my shirts. I don’t want to size up because I’m too short to wear a medium, but by the time I’ve really seen muscle growth I won’t fit in my short-sleeves.

The hair on my inner thighs is darkening. The hair on my lower legs is darkening. The hair on my arms is darkening. I’m also getting more stomach hair.

I’m battling acne and oil and sweat. My cologne now smells entirely different. It’s not as crisp, it’s more musk now. It blends in with my smells better. It’s weird.

Most of the changes haven’t been really profound, but I’m fairly meticulous when taking notes on my bodily changes.

I’m really surprised my hair is changing so quickly, given that most accounts I’ve read say that hair changes don’t happen that fast. It’s only been a little more than three weeks.

When I first started testosterone treatments, I realized that pumping these hormones in my body will have irreversible effects and that they might complicate genetic disorders.

For a week, I agonized over my decision. I was afraid that I’d die young.

But once I settled down, after a few showers, I realized that this is the only choice I have. This is the only shot I have at being happy with myself.

My happiness is just as much part of my health as my bodily health is. My mind is just as important as my body, if not more important.

This was how I knew that I have to continue. I’m not pressed into it because I’ve started, I’m pressed into it because I can’t conceive anything else.

TMI

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As for my moods, some days I feel very much neutral or happy. And some days I feel so low I could kill myself. That is no exaggeration.

My psychiatrist thinks it is because of dysphoria but I think it goes a lot deeper than that.

But I can’t stop now, I have to keep going. Things are getting a lot better!